You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
