god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
is it fun? or sober?
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