May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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