Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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