the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
