Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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