Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize