Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need water and some morals
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