Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
