then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize