Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize