Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
