btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
