I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
