I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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