Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
