Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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