wrigley field is MILF paradise
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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