I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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