it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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