dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
