No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
