I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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