omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dignity is for republicans.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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