So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
