I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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