im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
