I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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