I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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