I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
