Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
