party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
