she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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