There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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