Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
