are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
