please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
