She went from zero to smokin in five shots
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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