Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
