he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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