I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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