marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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