You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
