Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
