quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So much Jack, so little girl.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
