I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
