We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She announced her abortion via fbk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize