but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
