i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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