I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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