I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
