Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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