I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
