I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
