i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
