Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize