An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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