this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
