So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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