how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
