Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
