I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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