Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
