My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
