It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
