we have pet lesbian snakes
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
