Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
