Non-Jews are for practice
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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