Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
