Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
