I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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